K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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