Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ttyl tear gas
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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