Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
