Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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