he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
