i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
