Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize