i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
