Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She said her name was "party"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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