Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We are two peas in an std pod
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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