please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
