he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
