Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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