I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
