I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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