Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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