maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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