im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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