And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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