his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Everclear isn't food dammit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
