Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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