he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
