i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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