I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize