the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
