Redeem this text for a blowjob
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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