I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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