White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
