Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
