he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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