hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
