Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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