I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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