no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
