Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
