you would pick up someone in the library
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
