im six kinds of drunk right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
