so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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