I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
