She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
