You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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