I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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