i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
