I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
