i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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