making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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