i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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