Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
