u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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