Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
