At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
