You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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