imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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