This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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