what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize