After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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