I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
