I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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