So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
