he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
