His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
