Is it because I queefed?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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