I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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