We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
