Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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