I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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