SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
