i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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